Playing with chocolate chip cookies!
My now-fiancé John makes excellent chocolate chip cookies. He has perfected how long it takes to cook them, taking them out before they get too brown, noting that “they continue to cook after you take them out”. The result? Deliciously warm, soft, chewy, melt in your mouth chocolate chip cookies that you can’t help but wonder how many more batches are coming.
A couple of months ago, he made some chocolate chip cookies. I came to the table where he and my daughters were sitting. There were several cookies cooling on the rack on the table. I picked up a cookie, took a bite and put it back. I picked up a second cookie, took a bite and put it back. Everyone began looking at me like I had lost my mind and I proceeded to pick up the next 5 cookies, take a bite of each and put them back.
It was glorious. And hilarious. We all laughed so hard. The kids wondering what happened to their mother. John truly enjoying how silly I behaved. I loved it. I love doing funny things, randomly acting out of character and making people laugh.
As John and I were talking later that night, he marveled at my playfulness and how he wishes he could see it more often. I agreed. I wondered why I wasn’t more silly or playful and came to the realization that as a child or as growing up, there wasn’t room to be childish…or child-like. I was taught how to behave, what was appropriate, what wasn’t and was rewarded for good behavior, not mischief. It was a way of keeping order in the home, of raising good children, of ensuring that we were disciplined and obedient.
But as an adult, I carried that with me. I forgot how to play. I stopped being silly and didn’t value it in others. There was no room for silliness or playfulness. It detracted from the moment and meant that things weren’t going to get done. It caused stress.
Speaking of causing stress, watching the movie “Yes Day” was superbly stressful! The scene where the whole family went through the car wash with the windows open was anxiety provoking to say the least! But it showed me that sometimes, being silly allows families to come closer and to bond. It allows everyone to show up as they are. That there is no need for perfection. That a little bit of chaos doesn’t mean that the bills won’t get paid or that the children will be spoiled. It shows us that it’s okay to do things that have no purpose other than pure enjoyment. It showed my kids and my partner that I am human and fun. And when I think about the memories my kids will have of me, of their childhood, I don’t want them to only remember being nagged to do their chores or their homework. I want them to remember the times we laughed so hard we cried. I want them to remember playing outside in the rain or having a spontaneous water fight with the garden hose. I want them to remember eating ice cream and strawberries in bed at 10pm. I want their childhood to be full of fond memories and all the “yes” moments instead of the times we said “no”.
When was the last time you were silly? When you did something so out of character? What do you want your loved ones to remember about you when you are no longer here? What do you want your legacy to be?