My Journey, Part 1
Good morning my lovelies!
I appreciate your patience with me in not having posted my blog for the past two weeks. It was a time of turning inward and a time of growth for me. As you may know, I was enrolled in the professional coach certification program through CTI. While our weekly pods ended in July, just a few days after my fiancé proposed to me (YAY!), it took a few weeks between scheduling the exam and finally taking my certification exam on September 5th. And yes, I passed and am now a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach!!! This has been a journey that began in 2019 when I took Fundamentals and had a glimpse of the meaning and joy there could be in life. I completed the remainder of my course work (Fulfillment, Balance, Process, and Synergy) between January and May of 2022 and in November of 2022, enrolled in the certification program that started January 24, 2023. I was in a pod called “Lasagna” and although we started as a group of 9, we ended up a group of 7. Curiously enough, there were 2 other physicians in my pod, 1 of whom was also an Infectious Diseases specialist!! The vulnerability, the showing up fully, the being responsible for each other’s learning as well as our own, the connections were all so valuable to our growth and development into experienced coaches.
I have always been a thinker. And I have always been a feeler. As my spirit would long for something, my mind would go to work and think of how to fulfill that longing. I participated in leadership programs and a coach training program —which was greatly transformative. But something still felt amiss. I would close my eyes and vision deeply about a future that I know is mine and yet it felt so far away. All of my inner critics would show up…I felt as though that future could be possible..but maybe for a different version of me in some alternate timeline.
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I began realizing that my mind soared far ahead but my body lagged behind and my spirit was in the middle trying to hold me together. That was the disconnect. There was a part of me that just wanted to stop. My body longed for rest. All the pain from past experiences, all the disappointments, the constant pressure (mostly internal) to achieve and perform, and to seek validation and acceptance were weighing me down. I was still reactive in some circumstances. I felt like life was happening to me. That as much as I had visions or hopes about how my leadership role at my institution could be and what change could be possible, the reality that there was no autonomy in my role weighed me down and left me feeling discouraged. “If only they could see what could be possible if they allowed us to lead the way instead of taking a top-down heavy-handed approach about what we should be focusing on” was a regular experience.
Living in a world where only you see the possibilities and others see the impossibilities can eventually lead you to only see the impossibilities as well. Living in a world of impossibilities is draining. Whether you hear the word “No” or experience it as a lack of support in your workplace (or home), it is equivalent to a small hole leaking air out of the balloon of hopes and dreams. It is the sandbag holding you down. It is the anchor that is preventing you from moving forward. I am someone who honors my commitments. The vast majority of my colleagues honor their commitments as well. However, how can I honor my commitments when the opportunities to do so are taken away from me?
All of this pain resided deep within me. Honestly, the dissatisfaction is what propelled me towards coaching in the first place—both as a client and as a coach in training. Here are some examples of what coaching has done for me:
Helped me realize my values
Discover my life purpose
Understand my emotions (anger and sadness being the two biggest categories that showed up as frustration and disengagement, followed closely by guilt and shame)
Recognize the emotion by cueing into the feeling generated in my body (and as a result,
Identify and understand the thoughts and the parts of me that were holding me back (i.e. saboteurs or inner critics)
Identify and manifest my allies (those parts of me that have my best interest at heart)
Define my “leader within”—the inner core that embodies your values, rises above all else, and is available for you to tap into in times of doubt or stress.
Most importantly, I began to believe in myself. Not the kind of belief that comes from your head, or the kind that stems from your resume, but the deep inner knowing that comes from your spirit.
I employ coaching principles at home as well and I will admit in full disclosure that I am nowhere near perfect but now, I am okay with that too.
My mission is to embolden women to speak their truth. If you sign up with me as a coach, we will do this by exploring who you are, clarifying what you long for, and identifying what steps you need to take to get to your vision. Speaking your truth isn’t about spilling all your inner secrets. It is about having your actions and your words be in alignment with your values and your vision. It is about transformation. When women around the world are able to show up and be in alignment with themselves, the ripple effect will be tremendous.
If you are a woman and would like to learn more about who you are and how to start experiencing more joy and centeredness in your life, please do reach out. I would love to meet with you.
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