End-of-year chaos
It’s the end of the school year. Any of you with children know exactly what I am talking about. Band performances, standardized tests, celebrations for finishing standardized tests, track meets, games, field trips, field day, final exams, half days, end-of-year parties, birthday parties, and of course throw in graduation parties and vacation plans and it’s enough to drive the most organized person bonkers. Oh and don’t forget Mother’s Day, Memorial Day, and Father’s Day. May and June are a nonstop marathon of events during which it’s difficult to find time to come up for a breath of air. This is on top of work obligations that still go on during these last few weeks.
There’s distraction. There’s a sense of excitement in the air. There’s also dread. And then guilt for feeling that. And then a feeling of overwhelm.
I realize I can’t do it all. And yet I try. Every day, every month, every year. I try to do it all. And I have the same realization—I can’t do it all. When I reflect further, the question that comes up for me is “What is important about each of these events?”. What is negotiable? What is non-negotiable? I realize at the core of it is that I want to be present for my children, for my family. I want them to remember that I showed up for them at events that were important to them. I want them to know I love them.
That’s it, isn’t it? That at the core of all that we do, we want our children to know that we love them—and to feel that love. Does that mean we prevent them from experiencing any disappointment? On the surface, I want them to be happy all the time, but I read an article recently that said if you want your children to be happy, it’s okay to let them be unhappy. In fact, it’s encouraged. And if I gave myself an honest review, I’m not good at letting them be unhappy—not because of me anyway. In all honesty, they have many moments of unhappiness with their own doing.
I didn’t grow up with birthday parties every year or a luxurious vacation every year. We didn’t go away for spring break. I didn’t have the latest toys or the most fashionable clothes. But what I learned was the importance of quality time, of appreciating all that my parents did do for me even if they couldn’t do all the things I wanted. I want my children to appreciate what they have, to recognize that their mother’s love is not only found in toys or vacations or clothes, but in the day-to-day moments spent at the dinner table, or in the car, or during bedtime. Those are the moments that allow us to connect.
I’m also learning to give myself grace. Not being able to attend every school event or sports game DOES NOT MEAN I am a bad mom or an inadequate mother. It does not mean I do not love my children. It does not mean they will grow up resentful (that may happen anyway!) of me for the choices I had to make. It means that I am one person with a big heart and yet, only 2 hands and 2 legs. It means that, while virtual meetings allow us to multitask, I can only be in 1 place at 1 time AND need to allow time to get from 1 place to another. It means I cannot try to keep my kids happy if it means I am getting overwhelmed in the process of trying to do it all.
What does it mean to be a good parent to you? What do you want your children to remember from their childhood? What have you learned about yourself in the process?
—Julie B. Trivedi, 5/15/23